Wednesday, April 18, 2007
i chatted wif jac.. i knew wad she wanted and she told me clearly enuff... we had a long chat.. thou fer large periods of time, it was i whu was toking and crapping.. and i talked abt the past.. telling her tt pple chng.. as time permits changes.. i muz kp up wif the pace in order fer me to be hapi.. she nodded.. apparently accepting it as a fact.. looking at our past... me and hers.. there was so much to tok abt.. much more than me and yw.. and she understood it as well.. im gonna challenge time and miself tis time.. i will no longer say i haf decided.. fer this decision is more likely to remain as wad it is.. nothing but words onli.. i wanan give it a try.. to try to do something this time instead of saying it.. and nxt yr while leaving fer mi course and a new life.. i haf found out that mayb i shld stay abroad.. time tells everything.. but fer nw.. if i cld get into law.. and graduate miself suitably enuff fer a bar entry.. it wld be in England.. i gt scolded by jo again.. and even im disappointed of miself this time.. i wldnt wan to associate miself wif me at this pt of time.. but i noe in time to come.. if i stop saying and start doing.. i wld be proud of miself..
jac.. to u... i haf nothing but apologies.. nothing much guilt.. u taught me wif ur ways.. i learn wif ur every smile.. u touched mi heart.. the way i was able to touch urs.. in the past two months tt we spent tgt.. i was wrong to nt give u wad u wan.. yet u gave in.. becos u tot tt as time goes by such a committment wld be a given.. yet b4 anithing cld be done.. it's all over.. ego is a practial joke.. while love is an unfortunate lie..
LORD BE WIF ME AT THIS INSTANCE... GIVE ME THE MAGNANIMITY AND GRACIOUSNESS TO ACCEPT THIS WORLD AS IT IS.. LIVE MI BEST AND CHALLENGE MISELF TO CHANGE... NT DENYING THE ACTIONS AND CANCELLING ALL WORDS TT PROVE NOTHING MORE THAN JUZ WORDS..