Sunday, September 14, 2008
Alright, You see, there is a friend who once said to me when i believed in GOD vehemently, the word is vehemently, do u read the bible? i said, of cos i read the bible, what are you talking about.. so he said, then do u believe in the bible? then i said, of cos i do.. i believe in HIS word.. then he said, well.. if that is sincerely so, then why do u insist it's HIS words? after all, it's written by man isn't it? i was dumbfounded, i said.. Hm... maybe it's god's words through the voices of man? i was not totally convinced at that point in time.. Then i read this book, the author questioned, why did GOD ask abraham to Kill his own son, if abraham was the right person, i am sorry, i am not well versed in the bible, no time that i would willingly spare, which made things particularly guilty and insincere. So is killings right? then the plagues? the storms? So Many questions to answer. I never doubted GOD, never challenged his words. But suddenly, i realized i should not follow blindly what the pastors or the bible says, but insisting on finding HIS word, he gave me a brain didn't he? And then Rahul came to me one day and told me something really amusing.. He asked questions about the faith to some "experts" and guess what they replied. They said, " just read and believe, don't ask.." wow.. In my days alone spent in another country, i learnt so much, that's why when i came back to Singapore and saw the disgusting figures, it totally threw me off, never would i wan to enter that church.. Yes, our dear Pastor Prince is absolutely charming and charismatic, but i would rather have a simple day with GOD than to listen to bombastic words and wake up the other day feeling, hm.. so that is it? I heard about miracles, but never witness one, maybe i am JUST not SINCERE enough.. I trust that HE is somewhere near, bringing me nearer to HIM..
CHURCH is a place to give thanks? Y not home? Jesus once commented that should you pray behind doors when no one can see you.. ha.. of cos.. there are so many different interpretations to it. How do u define "jealous love"? There are so many IFs in this world.. Yet, I know that it is because of Satan that this world is so corrupted and dead, but if Satan is so Powerful, then when is God stepping in? I miss those days where i decide that everything is right, but as time goes by, as Religion became nothing more than a stroke of passion that heats up terrorism, when Religion is beginning to generate Revenue more than anyone can imagine, when God's Humble Houses are turned into multi-million projects, then something is wrong..
There was a time when i cried when i prayed, listened to Christian songs until i fell aslp, at that time, i felt so near him, not because i was in Church or because i was a Christian, but because at the moment, HE was just my friend, my father, my confidante, my Lord, and my GOD...
"He who yearns nothing be blessed."